


Through The Dark

by NiallIrwinClifford



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Cake, Cutting, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Mashton, Rape, Self Loathing, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempts, cakehoodings, clirwin, hoodings, mashtonclirwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5071369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiallIrwinClifford/pseuds/NiallIrwinClifford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stared at the mirror in disgust. He couldn't stand to see such a disgusting creature staring back at him. His fist connected with the mirror, and shards of glass went flying. He felt tears begin to fall, as it sunk in that the creature looking at him was himself. </p>
<p>"I don't deserve to live, I don't deserve to live." He cried, curling into a ball.</p>
<p>Calum Hood is living the dream. Or so it seems. But behind closed doors he's a completely different person, and no one has managed notice his internal pain. Not yet any way. Will the 8 boys notice Calum's suffering, or will it be too late to help him through the dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning:
> 
> This chapter will contain:
> 
> Self Harm  
> Self Loathing
> 
> If this makes you uncomfortable, or may upset you, this story may not be for you.

*Calum's POV*

I sat on the couch, looking out the window. No one else was here. The boys all went out to a club, and left me here. Not that I blame them. Who would want someone like me tagging along? 

"Stupid"

"Ugly"

"Fat"

I muttered under my breath, as I dug my fingernails into my flesh. I squeezed my eyes shut, as I picked at the scars littering my arms. 

"Fag"

"Queer"

"Homo"

I felt an itching at my skin, and I knew what my body wanted. It wanted the blade. Fingernails were never enough. 

And I gave in.

I walked up to the bathroom, and grabbed my shaving kit, and took out the small black bag, that contained my blades. I lived for the feeling of the blade against my flesh. 

I remember when it used to hurt. When it hurt to drag a razor against my skin. But now, I was numb. It was a drug, and I needed more and more to feel okay. 

I removed my sweater, and began to slit my wrists. Sighing happily as I felt the blood trickle down my arm. But it wasn't enough. 

I pulled my jeans down, and started on my thighs. 

Perfect. 

At least it was perfect, until I heard the door slam. Remembering that I hadn't locked the door, I jumped for it. 

Luckily no one came in. 

"Cal, we're back!" A voice yelled. Ashton. It could only be Ashton. 

"I'm in the bathroom, I'll be out in a sec." I yelled back.

I took a cloth to my wrists, and my thighs, and began to dab at the wounds, holding tissues to them until they stopped bleeding. 

I pulled my jeans and sweatshirt back on, and walked downstairs to see Michael, Ashton, and Luke in the living room. 

"Hey, how was the club?" I asked. 

"Boring." Michael pouted, staring at the TV.

"Mikey's mad because he got rejected by a girl." Ashton laughed. 

"Shut up!" He yelled, throwing a pillow at Ashton. The three of them all burst out laughing. I let out a small smile. 

Luke noticed, and walked up to me. 

"You okay?" He asked quietly. 

"Yeah. I'm fine."


	2. Not Hungry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum is broken on the inside, and Luke is starting to notice. The public is too, and desperate for drama, people begin to give Calum unwanted attention.

The boys had all decided to go to bed, but I only lay awake, thinking. 

Not about much, or anything at all for that matter. I just couldn't seem to fall asleep. I stared at the clock.

12:53

I groaned, and turned to my side, attempting to shut my eyes and sleep, without any luck. I got up, and took some sleeping pills.

Luckily they did their job, and I was out like a light.

***

I woke up at 8:35, and squinted as the sun poured into my eyes. I groaned and grabbed my phone. Turning it on, I noticed that my mentions on twitter was blowing up. In curiosity, I opened twitter, and frowned at my mentions

xXbeaniebop25Xx: What does @Calum5SOS even do? Why should the boys have to put up with such a fat ass? #CalumDeservesToDie

MrSiRwIn: Ugh @Calum5SOS is so fucking annoying, I just can't. Every time I see him I want to gouge those stupid eyes out #CalumDeservesToDie

Noturmam34: @Calum5SOS Take the damn hint already. No one wants you here. Go die in a fucking hole. #CalumDeservesToDie

That was pretty much all of my mentions. I looked at top trending, to see #CalumDeservesToDie at the top. Tears flooded my eyes, and I covered my mouth to muffle the sobs. 

My door opened, and I darted under the covers so whoever it was didn't have to see me like this. 

"Hey Cal? Breakfast is ready if you want some." Michael said. 

"M not hungry." I mumbled. 

"Are you okay Calum?" He asked. "We're normally fighting over the last slice of pizza." 

"I'm fine." I sighed.

"You sure?" He asked, quizzically.

"I'm sure Michael." I looked up at him to see him giving me a suspicious look. "Seriously Michael, I'm fine." 

"Okay," he said, giving up, and leaving the room. 

I frowned at my growling stomach, but refusing to give in.

Maybe, just maybe if I got rid of all this fat, people would start to like me.

*Luke's POV* 

"He said he's not hungry." Michael said, walking down the stairs. 

"What? Calum's always hungry." Ashton said, his mouth stuffed with eggs. 

Michael shrugged. "That's what I said. He insisted that he was fine." 

"Did he say anything else?" I asked. 

"Nah, even if he did, I could barely hear 'im, he had his head buried under his blankets." 

I looked at Michael, with a questioning facial expression. He just shrugged and sat down to eat.

All of breakfast, I was thinking about Calum. There was something wrong, I could sense it.

But what?


	3. Quit Worrying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Quit worrying about me god dammit!" 
> 
> "How?!"

*Luke's POV*

I walked up to Calum's room, and knocked lightly. No response. I guess he didn't hear me. I reached to knock again, when I heard sobs.

I knocked louder.

"Cal? You okay in there?" I asked. 

"Yeah." A strained voice called back. I frowned and walked in, to see Calum under his sheets, bawling his eyes out.

"You don't look okay." I whispered. He glared at me.

"Leave me alone." He demanded. I sat down next to him. 

"Not until you tell me what happened." 

"Nothing happened." He mumbled. "Everything's good." 

"Is that why you're crying?" He began to sob louder. I put my hand on his shoulder. 

"C'mon Cal, I can only help you if you tell me what's wrong."

He sat up, and faced me. His eyes red and puffy from crying. He hugged me, and began to cry into my shoulder. I rubbed circles on his back, trying to sooth him. 

"It's alright. It's alright." I cooed. Soon he pulled away, and looked down at his hands, that were covered by his sweater.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He shook his head no.

"Calum, please!" 

"I said no Luke. Drop it."

"Calum, you were in your room bawling your eyes out, and you expect me to drop it?!" 

"Yes." He mumbled. "Just leave me alone please?" 

I sighed, and walked out in defeat, getting one last look at Calum, who was getting out of bed, before I shut the door. 

*Calum's POV* 

Idiot

Idiot

Idiot

Idiot

I'm a fucking idiot.

Luke was being so kind, and I was such a dick. I don't deserve friends like him. 

I dug through my shaving kit, and took out the familiar black bag, smiling at it. This is what I needed.

This was my only friend.

*Luke's POV* 

I sat on the couch, and watched the news, but I wasn't paying attention. My mind kept running back to Calum. 

"Hey Luke." Ashton said, sitting himself on the couch. 

"Hey Ash." I said, not turning to face him. 

"How was your talk with Cal?" He asked.

"Fine." I shrugged, not wanting to go into details. "Where's Mikey?"

"He's out with Louis and Niall." I nodded.

It was awkward for about 5 minutes, until I turned around, to see Calum walking down the stairs. His eyes red from crying, and his sweater pulled to his hands to make paws.

"Hey Cal, you okay?" Ashton asked. 

"Fine." He muttered, walking into the kitchen. Ashton looked at me confused, and I only shrugged my shoulders. Calum walked out with a slice of bread, and turned to head upstairs. 

"Cal, can you sit for a second?" Ashton asked. He groaned and sat on the chair facing the couch.

"Seriously, Calum, are you okay?" He asked. 

"How many times do I have to say I'm fine before it fucking sinks in?!" He spat

"Until you actually are. Calum we can see something's seriously wrong. You can't shut us out!" I added.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." He growled, before jumping up and storming out the door. Ashton sighed in frustration, and I played with my lip ring. I could feel the tears that threatened to spill, and I got up to go after him.

"Leave 'im Luke. Maybe some alone time is what he needs."

"Fine. But if he isn't back by 10, I'm calling him.

 

-10:00 P.M-

I sat on my bed, staring at my phone. Cal still wasn't home, and I was starting to worry. But was it such a good idea to call him? 

Yes.

No.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

No.

Fuck it.

I dialled Cals number, and it took about 3 rings before he picked up.

"What?" He spat into the phone.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"Out." 

"When are you planning on coming back?" 

"Soon. Why do you care?" 

"Because I'm worried about you Calum!" By this point I was crying. 

"Quit worrying about me god dammit!" 

"How?!" 

He hung up. 

I threw my phone on the bed and sobbed. I was scared that something was happening to Calum. I felt so powerless. 

Because he's clearly not fine.


	4. I'm.......

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god.

-Calum's POV-

Anger boiled through me as I stormed through the empty streets. How dare they? How  _dare_  they?! I'm fine. I shouldn't have to repeat myself. I burst into a bar, and smiled as the bitter smell of alchohol filled my lungs. I sat on the only empty bar stool, and downed shot after shot until I felt numb. I burped as I struggled to sit straight. I looked down at my phone, and gave in, checking twitter. #CalumDeservesToDie was still trending at number one. I took a shaky breath, and put my phone away.

 

"Hey." An unfamiliar voice called out. I turned around, and I couldn't recognize the face looking back at me. 

 

"D-d-do I-I kn-know y-y-you?" I slurred.

 

"No, I just wanted to come say hi." He smiled. I felt a warmth in my stomach, and I felt drawn to him- almost like a magnet.

 

"Do you want to go outside? It's hard to hear your beautiful voice in here." I blushed.

 

"S-s-sure." 

 

He slid his hand over my waist possesively, and I wrapped my arm around his neck, so he could help me walk. 

 

Outside, I took a breath of fresh air, and sighed comfortably. 

 

"W-what's your name?" I finally asked.

 

"Eric." He smiled.

 

"O-oh. I'm-" 

 

"Calum. I know." I gave him a confused look, and he chuckled under his breath. 

 

"I have yet to find someone who doesn't know who you are." 

 

I smiled gently, as his soft voice sent tingles down my spine. The warmth in my stomach grew stronger, and my trust for him was building.

 

My inner voice was going crazy, scolding me for trusting someone, and that this was a huge mistake, but I just ignored it.

 

"It's getting really late. Do you want me to take you home?" I nodded, blushing. He took my hand, and began to walk me.

 

"W-wait?" I asked. "D-d-do you know where I-I live?" I asked. He bit his lip.

 

"Don't worry about it sweetheart." 

 

And I didn't.

 

 

-Luke's POV-

 

I sighed angrily, staring at the clock.

 

12:32

 

Calum  _STILL_ wasn't back. I wasn't worried anymore. I was passed worrying. I was mad. We try so hard to be there for him, and all he does is push me and the boys away. I yelled into my pillow- I guess a little too loudly, because Ashton came darting in.

 

"WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!" He looked at me, and saw me completely unharmed, and sighed angrily.

 

"DUDE!" 

 

"S-sorry." Was all I could say before I burst into tears.

 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked instantly becoming gentle, and cautious with his words. He walked over, and sat next to me.  I handed my phone.

 

**To: Calum- Cal?**

 

**To: Calum- Please tell me you're okay.**

 

**To: Calum- Cal, I swear if you don't answer in the next 5 minutes, I will call the police.**

**From: Calum- Stop fucking texting me.**

 

**To: Calum- Where are you?**

 

**From: Calum- Fuck off.**

 

**To: Calum- Cal, please!**

 

**From: Calum- I said back the fuck off Hemmings.**

 

Ashton sighed, and pulled me into a hug. I guess to try and help me forget, but all I could think about was Calum. His flawless skin, the way his eyes sparkled in the sun.

 

I know what you're thinking: Luke? Are you gay?

 

Yes. There, I said it. The only people who truly know is my mum, my dad, Jack, and Ben. I was planning on telling the boys, but then the Calum drama started, and I figured it really wasn't the time.

 

Calum. My mind drifted to Calum yet again, and his face sent tingles running up my spine.

 

"Luke? Luke! LUKE!" Ashton yelled, waving his hand in front of my face. I shook my head vigorously, and stared at him.

 

"You were blanked out for at least 3 minutes!" 

 

"Sorry." I mumbled. 

 

"What's up?" Ashton asked. My eyes filled with tears, and I shook my head as if to signify nothing.

 

"Luke, I can tell that something's up, so please tell me."

 

I bit my lip, as I felt the words coming out. Like word vomit, and I finally couldn't hold it back anymore.

 

"I-I'm gay." I whispered. Ashton's eyes lighted up, and he hugged me again.

 

"Y-you don't hate me?" I asked nervously.

 

"Of course not! It isn't up to you who you like!" 

 

I smiled brightly.

 

"Now tell me, who  _do_ you like?" Ashton asked.

 

I felt blood rush to my cheeks, and I covered my face with my hands, while shaking my head. 

 

"C'mon! There's gotta be someone if you're acting like that!" He said, shaking my arm. 

 

"Noooo!" I whined, hoping the conversation would just fade away. My mind was racing to Calum, and I couldn't let it slip.

 

"Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" Ashton chanted. "Please? I promise I won't judge you! Hell, you could say Donald Trump, and I still wouldn't judge you!" I chuckled a little at his joke.

 

"Uhm" I began to sweat. Here it comes. 

 

"Calum." I said quietly. Ashton's eyes widened.

 

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" He yelled, pulling me into a hug.

 

"Ashhhtoonnn." I whined.

 

"Lukey's in love with Caaaallluuummm." He said happily. 

 

"Ash, seriously." 

 

"That's why you were... so........ worried.. when cal.......... didn't................ come.................... home." Ashton sobered up, and looked at me sadly. 

 

"He hates me!" I cried. 

 

"Yeah, Calum's being a dick at the moment. Want me to beat his ass for you?" He asked, smiling slightly.

 

"No, please don't." 

 

"Fine, but I'm still chewing his ass out when he gets home." 

 

I sighed. "Fine."

 

**2:23 A.M**

 

I jumped out of bed after a loud door slam rattled the flat. I groaned, and tried to lay back down, to sleep again, when I heard yelling.

 

"WHERE THE _HELL_ HAVE YOU BEEN?!" 

 

I left my room, to see a dirtied Calum, and a furious Ashton.

 

"HEY!" I heard a voice yell. I whipped my head around, to see Michael. "SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL YOU?!" 

 

"FUCK OFF." Calum yelled bacck.

 

"UH NO. CALUM YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF. IT'S 2 AM WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING?!" 

 

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! STOP BUGGING ME!"

 

"CALUM WE BUG YOU BECAUSE WE FUCKING CARE! HELL I WOKE UP TO LUKE SCREAMING AND CRYING BECAUSE HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" 

 

My face paled, as Calum turned to face me. He stepped forward, using his hoodie to cover most of his face. 

 

"Thanks a lot Hemmings." Calum spat. I flinched at the use of my last name. He turned to go to his room, Ashton stormed away, and Michael went back to his room.

 

I watched Calum walk away, and I frowned.

 

Calum.

 

Was.

 

Limping.


	5. Don't Lie To Me.

-Luke's POV-

The next morning, I woke up fairly early, and not being able to go to sleep, I decided to go downstairs to grab some food. I heard some rummaging in the fridge, and turned my head to see Michael with his head and arms in the fridge.

"Hey." I said, my voice raspy.

Michael's head shot up, and he turned to face me. The look on his face told me he was having a debate with himself.

 

"Mikey? You okay?" I asked.

 

"What the hell happened last night?" He blurted out. 

 

"I honestly have no idea." 

 

"Luke, you  _know_ Ashton doesn't get mad over nothing." 

 

I could only nod, my lips frozen shut in fear, as I could see where Michael was going.

 

"Luke, I know you know something, so  _please_ tell me!" 

 

I looked at my feet, too ashamed to even look him in the eyes anymore. 

 

"Luke." 

 

My eyes began to fill with tears, as Calum'a harsh words filled my brain.

 

By this point, Ashton had walked downstairs. I turned to him, my eyes still filled with tears, and have him a pleading look. 

 

"What's up?" He asked.

 

"I want to know what the fuck happened last night." Ashton flinched slightly at Michael's swear.

 

"Oh." He said awkwardly. "Calum was being a dick to Luke basically, and I got pissed off.

 

"How was he being a dick?" Michael asked, his lips pursed together, and eyebrows knitted in thought.

 

"He said some mean things to Luke, called him by his last name...." Ashton trailed off, as Michael's confusion only seemed to grow.

 

"Luke, I'm always a dick to you. And I always refer to you by your last name. So does Ashton. Why is it suddenly affecting you?" 

 

A tear made it's way down my cheek. I stayed silent, in hopes that the lack of an answer would be enough for Michael. 

 

"Lukey, c'mon." Ashton whispered. "Just tell him. You told me." 

 

Ashton had a point, but Michael was totally different. Ashton loved everyone and was just a big ball of energy. With Michael, say the wrong thing and you'd better prepare yourself for a whirlwind of anger, hate, and insults.

 

"Lukey, you can tell me anything." I lowered my defense a bit at the use of my nickname.

 

"Promise you won't hate me?" 

 

"Promise."

 

"I-I'm gay." Ashton gave me a smile of approval. Michael's eyes widened in realization.

 

"You like Calum! Don't you?"

 

I whimpered in fear, and nodded my head gently. He walked up to me, and pulled me into a hug.

 

"Lukey, I mean it when I say you can tell me anything. I get that I make fun of you, but if it's something serious, I promise that I will not make fun of you." 

 

"Thanks." I smiled, wiping a tear from my eye.

 

"And Luke?" Ashton added in, "We want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you do, we will be there for you."

 

"C'mere!" Michael laughed, and soon we were all laughing in a group hug. 

 

"We're missing someone." Ashton said as we pulled away. I bit my lip, and looked at the ground.

 

"You know Lukey, you should tell him." 

 

"That I like him?!" 

 

"No. No. No. No. No. That you're gay." Michael was quick to correct me. 

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah. He's up. I ran into him coming down."

 

"Alright, I'll try." 

 

I began to head up, but before the boys were out of ear shot, I heard;

"If something goes wrong, just come to us."  

 

I took a deep breath in, to prepare myself for the next 20 minutes.

 

-Calum's POV-

 

I sat, curled in a ball in the corner of my bathroom. My sweater forming paws around my hands, hiding my shame. The voices came from all sides and were ruthless. They didn't seem to care that I was hurting. They only cared about expressing the truth.

 

_Fat_

 

_Ugly_

 

_Retarded_

 

_Untalented_

 

_Fag_

 

_Bitch_

 

_Baby_

 

_Weakling_

 

The words hurt. 

 

**What? Poor baby can't handle the truth?**

 

Leave me alone!

 

 **Why the hell should**   **I?**

 

Just please! Please let me be? 

 

**That's not what you said to Eric!**

 

Stop.

 

**See Cal? This is why we don't trust people. They only break us.**

 

The voice faded, leaving me only with memories of the night before. I shook in fear, seeing his face once again, even if it just was my imagination.

 

_"Shut the fuck up or I'll blow your fucking brains out!" I continued to sob, to frightened to do anything else._

 

_"Listen you little pussy, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I'll just go and take someone else. How about that precious Luke of yours?"_

 

_I instantly shut up, and images of Luke bound, bruised, and crying flashed through my mind. He gave an evil chuckle and-_

 

"No!" I cried. "No! No! No! No! No!" 

 

"Cal?" I heard Luke's voice on the other side of the door. "Are you okay?" 

 

"Fine. I'm completely fine." I said, emotionlessly. 

 

"Calum, I can tell you're anything but fine, now please let me in."

 

"N-no." I said, feeling helpless. 

 

I heard the click of a key entering the lock, and the door opened to reveal a worried Luke on the other side. Luke ran to my side, and I felt that warmth I had felt with Eric, only stronger, and I began to panic. My heart raced, my breathing was going crazy, and beads of sweat dripped from my forehead.

 

"Hey! Shh, it's okay Cal." He reached for my hand, but I flinched, fearing the worst. "I'm not going to hurt you."

For some reason, I relaxed at that statement.

 

"What's up?" He asked. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, as if to signify- please don't make me say it.

 

"Alright, I won't push it." He said gently. The warmth grew, and I flinched, having learnt the consequences of trusting someone so well.

 

"C'mere." He smiled. I looked at his perfect smile. His chiseled chin, his gorgeous lip ring, his piercing blue eyes. Then I noticed his face jump to a frown.

 

"Luke? Are you okay?" 

 

"W-well I-I c-came u-up t-to t-tell y-you s-something." 

 

"What?" I asked, getting anxious. 

 

"I may or may not be gay..." Luke said awkwardly. 

 

All color drained from my face. I sat in shock, unable to move.

 

"Cal? Calum?" Luke asked.

 

Tears started to cloud my vision, and my breathing started speeding up again.

 

"Please leave me alone." 

 

And he did.

 

I regretted making myself seem homophobic, I was just scared. I was scared for Luke. I mean, look how well being gay turned out for me?

 

I just hope he doesn't make the same mistakes as me.

-Luke's POV-

 

I sat on the foot of my bed, staring at my feet. I couldn't understand why Calum acted the way he did when I came out. Was he disgusted? Angry? Scared? I was so confused. I heard the door open, and I expected it to be Ashton or Michael. I looked up and was shocked to see Calum, eyes red and puffy, staring back at me. He only spoke one sentence before taking off back to his room. 

 

"So am I."


	6. He Hates Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry I was gone. I have literally no excuse I just suck. Sorry sorry sorry. But fun fact: I write this during class, and my teacher caught me writing chapter 6 in my journal during class and confiscated it

-Luke POV-

 

I was attempting to absorb what had just occured. His words kept playing through my head.

 

_So am I_

 

_So am I_

 

_So am I_

_So am I_

 

Was Calum gay? He certainly didn't seem that way, then again- you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I slammed my face into my pillow and screamed out in anger.

"Luke?" I heard a voice call out. I jumped up to see Alex standing at my door.

"We're planning on goin' to Mcdonalds for breakfast, and were wondering if you wanted to come with?" His voice cut off as he finally noticed my head buried into my pillows. "Uh, you okay?" He asked, confused.

"Peachy." I grumped.

"No you're not. C'mon. Tell Uncle Al Al." He said, sitting next to me and patting his leg.

I lifted my head up and raised an eyebrow. "That sounded so creepy!" I giggled. He shrugged.

"But seriously, what's wrong?"

"Have you ever liked someone, even though you know you shouldn't?" 

"Shouldn't how?"

"I mean I may have fallen for-"

"May have?"

"Okay, I'm fucking in love with a dude who doesn't love me back."

"You don't k-"

"I do! I'm sure!"

"Has he told you 'I'm not interested'?"

"Well no but-"

"Then you don't know for sure." I smiled a little bit, but frowned as I remembered Calum's harsh words. Alex gave me a confused look at my changing emotions.

"He told me to 'fuck off'" I said solemnly. "I was worried about him because he hadn't come home, and it was like 10 PM, so I called him and he told me to fuck off."

"C'mere." Alex said sympathetically, opening his arms for a hug. I happily took up his offer, burying my head into his neck and crying. After about 15 minutes Alex finally spoke up.

"So do you want to tell me who this mystery guy is?" I hesitated, before quietly saying

"Calum."

"Oh yeah, Michael warned me that Calum was being a huge d-bag." Alex giggled.

"It just hurts so much y'know? I love him so much, and he clearly hates me."

"Aw don't worry about it Hemmo. At the end of the day, if he doesn't like you back, he doesn't know what he's missing." I smiled a little bit. "Now c'mon! Mcdonalds doesn't wait forever!" Alex hopped up, taking my hand and forcing me up too.

"Mmm noooo I don't wannaa" I groaned.

"Suck it up." Alex said, rolling his eyes. I gave him a playful glare, only making him laugh harder. I stormed out, to see Jack, Zack, and Rian Michael, and Ashton spread out through the living room.

"Where's Calum?" I asked.

"He didn't want to come." Jack sighed. Ashton gave me sympathetic look. It was an awkward two minutes of silence before Zack finally began to whine.

"Can we go now? I'm huungry."

"You're always hungry." Rian said, chuckling. Zack made a small groan.

"Alright fine. Lets go" Jack said, getting tired of Zack's whining. He took Alex's hand, and went out to the van.

I sighed, following them- jealous of what they had.

-Calum's POV-

Tears flooded my face as memories continued to replay through my head. Over the memories, a sinister voice began to speak.

 

" _Cut."_ It whispered _, "Cut, cut."_

I gave into the cravings, running to the bathroom, throwing my sweatshirt off, and digging through the drawers to find my little black bag. 

 

I finally found it, and instantly got to work. The memories faded as each drop of crimson blood dripped out of my body. I was numb, both physically and mentally.

 

I began to cry again, as the memories came back once again.

 

_"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed. I continued to sob, as my whole body ached. I rested my hands on my head, and sobbed louder and louder. He pulled my hands away from my face, and glared at me. I looked down in disgust, and shame, so he took his fingers and forced my chin up, to face him._

 

_"You're useless, you know that?" He squeezed my wrist, and I flinched at the additional pressure he applied to my wrists. He-_

 

"Calum?" I heard a voice call out, interuppting the memory. I paled as realization struck me

 

I had once again forgotten to lock the door. My white shirt was stained red. There was no way of hiding this from whoever was looking for me. 

 

I began to pray that whoever it was would just give up, and move on. 

 

My prayer was not answered. A knock could be heard from outside the bathroom door.

"Cal?" Lukes voice called from outside.

 

"L-leave m-me a-alone L-luke." I said, my voice shaky and hoarse from crying. 

 

"Cal, are you okay?" 

 

"F-fine Luke." 

 

"No your not. I'm coming in."

 

My heart began to race as the door knob slowly turned.

 


End file.
